fuck attractive people
that’s the plan
in Bible times ordering a “burger with the Lot” just meant you wanted a burger with extra salt & it was considered VERY unchill to order it, considering the whole deal with his wife
I JUST LAUGHED SO LOUD I WOKE UP MY CAT AND HE CONFUSEDLY RAN INTO THE WALL
This is so hilarious.
i feel bad for teachers because i distinctly remember my mom bursting into tears once when she was grading papers and she was just mumbling “theyre so goddamn stupid” over and over
every time i read this i laugh a little harder
The human brain is an amazing organ. It functions 24 hours a day from the day we are born and only stops when we are taking an exam or fall in love.
i don’t want to live in a world where i’m not allowed to enjoy both Shakespeare and Ke$ha.
Wake up in the mornin’ feel quite Hamlet-y
Grab my skull, I’m out the door, I’m gonna act real shitty
Before I leave, overthink if I’m on the right track
Cuz if I kill my uncle tonight, he ain’t comin back
I LOVE THIS DRAGON
We’re at a family reunion and some dude asked my dad when I was getting married and with a totally straight face my dad was like “we’re just going to give her to whichever young man can provide us with the largest flock of goats”
im not crying there’s just overpriced college education in my eye
Inspired by the many complaints i’ve received of older Lilo’s resemblance to Nani.